Odd Ideas Bin aka Weird Sh Folder
by The-Caitiff
Summary: A collection of odd little what if's that pop into my head but aren't enough to become a full story. Maybe just a scene, or a drabble, or even a plot bunny I couldn't use.
1. An Irrational Feeling

_This is written from Hermione's viewpoint, who she's obsessed with I'll just leave to the shippers out there. I'm going to randomly decide it's Neville but feel free to call me crazy. This happened because someone challenged me to, without characters or plot, write something about longing.  
_

_00000_

Longing is a completely irrational feeling, and yet it is one I am intimately acquainted with. I am known for my strictly logical approach to life and yet I have allowed this illogical and irrational compulsion to dominate me. I cannot help myself, I long, no I ache for the touch of my secret beloved.

I can smell his scent in the air as he approaches me in the halls. I know the sound of his steps, and the way his breath hitches as he stops in shock. I love the look of surprise that flits across his face when he sees me smile reminiscent of the Mona Lisa. I brush past, every inch of my skin burning with a desire to touch his. My heart leaps for joy as I see a light come into his eyes. It is enough, for now, that I have brightened his day, but I long for the day I can possess and be possessed by those eyes.

I want to rub against him, covering him in my scent, and getting a part of his in return. I want to feel his cool skin beneath my fingertips, and hot breath against my neck. I want to kiss his lips and look into his very soul, becoming lost adrift in the ocean of his presence. I want to stoke the fires of passion, burn away the chains of our past life, die, and be reborn forged in perfection.

Longing is a completely irrational feeling, and yet it is one I am intimately acquainted with.


	2. Back Like A Vertebrae!

* * *

September 2, 1992

* * *

**CHAOS AT HOGWARTS!**By Rita Skeeter  
_  
Panic and mayhem broke out at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry today in a bizarre series of events that no one can quite explain. While it is unclear what exactly precipitated today's events, there is no doubt that this day will never be forgotten. The first day of classes began as it does every year, with students complaining about their schedules over breakfast and teachers sharing a little "liquid courage" before they deal with their students. Little did they know that all hell was about to break loose in the form of a mass murderer, a disturbed young child, and his pet._

Shortly before nine in the morning the wall behind the teachers table exploded inwards under the influence of a siege spell. As the teachers managed to pull themselves from the rubble, they were greeted with a sight no one could ever have predicted. Harry Potter and the now escaped murderer Sirius Black entered through this new hole riding on the back of a sixty foot long snake that has since been revealed to have been a basilisk. Black immediately struck Potions Master Severus Snape down with a killing curse while the Potter Scion conjured a pack of rabid nifflers into the robes of Draco Malfoy.

Potter is reported to have yelled, "I'm back like a bad case of herpes!" before he struck again, this time sending a strange hex at the Gryffindor table. The spell reportedly struck a pile of school books and released a massive magical explosion, killing First Year Ginny Weasley and injuring three others.

While Black and the snake kept the staff occupied, Potter killed three other students (Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, and Michael Corner) before taking Second Year Daphne Greengrass as a hostage (reportedly yelling "Accio Wench!"). He whistled and called for Black and "Mr. Giggles" at which point they made their escape through another ready made hole in the walls.

In related news, thirteen prisoners in the isolated Azkaban Prison and thirty nine other witches and wizards around the British Isles (including the entire Greengrass family with the exception of the kidnapped Daphne) were found dead this morning. Initial reports indicate at least two large holes four inches across through the chest of each victim. These wounds were often accompanied by an extremely toxic poison and several smaller punctures.

When asked for a comment or speculation about what sort of creature could cause such wounds, Professor James Kettleburn (a noted Magical Creatures expert) responded that it was most likely the work of "a fucking huge snake!"

While no charges have been filed yet by Aurors who believe Potter could be under the Imperious Curse, many wizards are locking their doors tonight.  


* * *

A/N; This chapter was really a two for one special on the "odd ideas" end. I've always wanted to see the Basilisk called Mr. Giggles and I've also wanted to see a time traveller decide "fuck the time stream!"


	3. Big Red Button!

"I can't believe this," Hermione cried in frustration for what had to be the fiftieth time that evening.

"What's wrong now?" Harry didn't even bother looking up from his potions essay, she was working on history and he probably wasn't going to be interested anyway.

"I just can't believe the stupidity of most wizards! Sure, when I opted to do my essay on the fifty most preventable accidents in Wizarding History, I knew there was going to be a few big ones but this is just ludicrous." Hermione slammed her book onto the table. "Did you know there have been forty six severe maimings and three deaths from people who chose to test Hogwarts' motto? How stupid do you have to be when you decide to tickle a sleeping dragon after graduating from a school where it's written on the front doors?"

"Kind of obvious someone had to do it though," Ron commented smugly, as he usually did when telling his friends about yet another aspect of magical life they were ignorant of. "We're a pretty arrogant lot, wizards. Tell us not to do something and as soon as you turn your back we'll do it just to prove we're better than you. Right barmy actually but how would you like to go down in history as the first person to tickle a dragon and get away with it?"

"Really?" Harry asked speculatively. "Anything?"

"Apparently," Hermione said scathingly. "It's as if God gave them magic instead of common sense."

"Good to know, so what are some of your other big ones?"

00000

"Professor Dumbledore, I need your help," Harry wasted no time in running to the Headmaster as soon as classes had ended the next day.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and his eyes flashed brilliantly.

"I've discovered a way to get rid of Voldemort without fighting, but to make it work I need to learn something that you might not want to teach me." Harry squirmed uncomfortably. This really was the best idea he'd ever had but Dumbledore was definitely the weak point. "Just this once I need you to trust me and have a little faith that I would never misuse it."

"I promise you that you have my complete support," Dumbledore said solemnly. "If you will swear an oath never to misuse my teachings, I will teach you absolutely anything you ask of me."

"I just need one spell," Harry told him as he pulled Hermione's book from his book bag. "Now what do you know about Everett the Energized?"

Dumbledore frowned thoughtfully. "He was involved in some major accident I recall. I believe he was trying to turn his body into pure energy when the mountain he was practicing on disappeared but I may have him confused with someone else."

00000

A few weeks later during the evening meal, Harry let out a happy sigh and suddenly wore the happiest smile anyone could ever remember seeing on him. Indeed he was whistling and skipping as he headed back to Gryffindor tower that evening. He refused to say what brought about his happy mood when asked and most people just chalked it up to being a strange fluke. The next morning however Hermione was not so sure. The Daily Prophet was reporting that a massive magical event had occurred the previous evening and that the Department of Mysteries was currently looking into it. While she was only part way into the article's speculation on what the great mystery might be, a letter from her parents arrived that sounded far more panicked than usual showed up with some VERY interesting news.

Hermione put two and two together, got five, and decided she really needed to strap her best friend to a chair and beat him until she got an answer that didn't put him on a very short list formerly populated solely by the world's most powerful nations. She finally cornered him as he was about to enter the common room.

"You!" She grabbed a hold of his robes so he couldn't run away. "What did you do to Voldemort?"

"Me?" Harry tried his best to look innocent, "What makes you think I did anything?"

"One, last night at dinner you suddenly became happy. Something happened that only you knew about and the only way I can think of would be if it involved your scar and Voldemort." Hermione started ticking her points of her fingers. "Two, the Unspeakables are going crazy about some massive magical release that happened last night. Care to guess when that might have been? Nevermind. Three, my parents just sent me a letter. They're terrified and worried because according to the Muggle Government someone set off a new type of nuclear bomb here in Scotland last night. Apparently it happened out in the country so the only casualties were a couple of sheep but the strange thing is there was absolutely no radiation, just over a mile and a half of fused glass in every direction."

"Very interesting," Harry said with a smile. "If you're right, who do you think I should apologize to? Do you reckon the Prime Minister knows about us or should I try to owl the Queen?"

Hermione gulped like a fish out of water for a few moments before she finally choked out, "How?"

"Watch," Harry said as he rummaged in his bag. He threw his invisibility cloak over their heads and pulled out an inch thick plate sized black disc. Around the edge it bore the legend "Harry Potter's Super Secret Weapon Mk II" on the face there was a glowing red button with white lettering that said "Don't Push" in big friendly letters. Harry set the disk in the middle of the hallway and pulled Hermione back against the wall where no one would bump into them.

Moments later, Katie Bell came out of the common room and saw the device laying on the floor. Curious, she picked it up and looked it over. They watched the Head Girl read the various words and saw her look around for any potential witnesses. Harry clamped a hand over Hermione's mouth when it became obvious that she was about to shout and stop their friend. Shaking his head playfully when she glared at him, he just pointed back to the girl who was obviously fighting her temptations.

Finally giving in Katie slapped the button with a cackle of impish glee that looked downright infectious. Immediately the device began wailing as a siren went off and it shook violently in her hands, the glow of the button reaching blinding levels. The noise and other effects stopped as it reverted to its former inviting glow. Harry pulled the cloak off and walked over to retrieve his new toy from his unwitting test dummy.

"Fred and George taught me to make the shells and I came up with a few ideas for the spells to put inside," He told the two shocked young women. "Oh by the way Hermione, I returned your book to the library for you. It looks like Ron was right."

As she watched her friend walk back up to his dorm, Hermione Granger considered for the first time if becoming an alcoholic was such a bad idea. Harry Potter was a nuclear power, Merlin help them all...

00000

A/N; this idea was inspired when I found a strange thing-a-ma-jig in my garage. It had a cord, some indicator lights, and three push buttons on the end of long cords. I plugged it in and flipped the switch only to see the indicator lights come on and nothing else. I wasn't sure what it was supposed to do but I knew I was going to find out! Pressing the buttons led to an amusing array of clicks and the occasional light going out but no significant change. I ended up taking it apart and carefully sketching the mess of wires and components inside into a logical circuit. Four and a half hours later I learned that when you press a button a light is supposed to go out (not that they always did but I'm still trying to figure out if my circuit is wrong or if the box is wrong).

Anyways, "Oooo, Shiny!" presses button a good button is hard to resist. Oh and for those who don't know, a nuclear bomb is so powerful because it converts a tiny amount of itself into pure energy following that whole emc2 thing Einstein was babbling about. Even a one pound device, totally converted to energy, would be horrendously powerful (over 10 megatons just for reference).


	4. Big Red Button 2 Aftermath

Harry Potter was currently kneeling in a thin grey robe that was little better than a sack with his hands bound behind him on a hard concrete floor while armed guards both wizard and muggle were just waiting for him to twitch. While he was better versed than in the variety of ways a day can go, he had to admit this was going to be a bad one even by his lofty definitions of the word "bad". It had been three wonderful days since Voldemort vanished in a screaming orgy of hot fiery death, but the smugly innocent afterglow had been interrupted with a crash early in the morning.

00000

At precisely five oh one a.m. that morning he and the rest of his dorm room were awoken by the sound of glass breaking as a mixed magical and muggle squad of SAS came barreling through their windows. Just as they all tore open their bedside curtains, a bright flash and a deafening noise left them stunned and a green metal can began spewing a thick cloud of teargas into the room. Several sharp cracks sounded and Harry felt something slam into his gut just before he was overwhelmed with the pain of being electrocuted. He could barely breathe let alone see but screams from his roommates told him he was not alone. His vision, such as it was, flashed red and the world was claimed by darkness.

By the time his friends woke up for the second time, there was no trace to suggest that Harry Potter had ever lived in the tower, even his bed was missing. The possessions of everyone else however had been strewn around the obviously ransacked room. The alarm went up in Gryffindor that one of their own was missing and within minutes a homesick muggleborn first year was telling McGonagall about how he'd heard screams and shouting when he couldn't sleep followed by a steady rhythmic thumping that slowly faded into the distance.

00000

"Ten Hut!" A voice called from somewhere behind him, and Harry heard the sound of many boots slamming together as one and rifles clacking as they moved to another position. He forced himself to pay more attention to his surroundings and heard the door open before a new voice instructed his guards to bring him. A hood was roughly shoved over Harry's head and he was dragged to his feet.

The guards lead Harry through a maze of corridors. Whenever he drifted too far to one side or went to slow for his captors' liking a rifle butt enlightened him to their displeasure. The only assurance he had that he was not being lead to an execution came when the floor beneath his bare feet went from cold concrete to carpeting. Gradually the warmth and texture of the carpet improved and Harry could only assume that he was being lead into officer's territory where he would meet someone who would decide his fate.

Abruptly the procession stopped and Harry was forced face first into the floor before his hood was removed. As soon as he struggled upright however and saw who he'd been brought to meet, he immediately put his face back on the floor with as much grace and subservience as he could cram into the gesture.

"Harry James Potter, last Scion of the Gryffindor Line," The Queen said as if testing his name for strength. "When we told our Regiment to invite you, we expected a more formal setting. We must apologize."

Harry could almost hear the muscles tense as the men who'd brought him into the room tensed at the implied screw up. He quickly found himself free of his handcuffs and upright. With a deep bow Harry addressed his Monarch, "No need Your Majesty, I thank you both for your hospitality and your time. How may I serve?"

"We find ourselves concerned with your actions of Thursday past," the Queen told him, "Our staff has informed us that you claim responsibility for the event that occurred in Argyllshire."

"Yes Your Majesty and I submit myself to any punishment you feel is proper," Harry said solemnly as he straightened himself proudly. No matter how things went from here, he would face the future honorably like a man should.

"We require an explanation."

Harry almost wanted to sigh and relax, but refused to let himself, "In the winter of 1979, a prophecy was made. It identified the one person in all of Britain who would be capable of finally vanquishing the Dark Lord Voldemort, a child who would be born at the end of July and marked as his equal. Many of those who knew about it thought that the prophecy was fulfilled when Voldemort was destroyed on Halloween 1981, the victim of a killing curse that he cast on myself, but sadly this was not the truth. In May of 1995, the Dark Lord Voldemort regained a physical body and returned to his reign of terror.

"When I finally learned of the prophecy, I was intrigued by a line that I thought was the key. Supposedly I possessed a power that Voldemort did not comprehend so I sought as many options as I could to discover this hidden ability. Eventually I stumbled across an account of a bizarre disaster, quite by accident, which reminded me of some things I had learned in muggle primary school. Once I worked out what had happened I began to realize the potential of such a spell or magical event. After searching for a while I discovered the cause of the accident and came up with an idea to defeat Voldemort. I never realized the power of the device I had built until after it was detonated, completely destroying the Dark Lord and many of his followers. I knew the potential of course but I had no idea of the scale I was already working on. After I heard about the results, I realized the true danger of what I had created and wrote to not only submit myself for punishment but so that something could be done about the danger we face."

"And why did you not turn yourself in to Our Ministry?" The Queen demanded.

"I did not trust them," Harry said simply. "The simple truth is that any witch or wizard with a wand and the right knowledge could do what I did, or much worse. If I had simply thrown myself before the Wizengamot, the Ministry would demand to know how it was accomplished. I cannot allow a corrupt organization that is still three hundred years behind modern times to simply throw around that kind of destructive capability. They simply do not have the maturity to use it wisely."

"How did you arrive at that conclusion?"

"Your Majesty, for all of its greatness, the Wizarding World is very self centered. They care little for the wizards around them and even less for the muggle population. Most of the population has not risen above "an eye for an eye" or similar vengeance minded ideals and some grudges go back hundreds of years. The process behind what I did was so simple a half trained child like myself can create destruction on a scale unseen in human history, but nobody had ever thought to use it that way. If they realized it was possible, how many murderous psychopaths would decide to give it a try? How many people would consider it as a final farewell if they were being attacked or murdered? Even one person knowing how is too many."

"You are wise beyond your years young Gryffindor," the Queen commented. "There are spells to remove a person's memories are there not? Surely they can be used to provide a solution."

Harry shook his head sadly, "I am afraid not Your Majesty, in order to erase a memory you must know what to erase. I may no longer know how it was done, but the person who performed the memory charm would have more than enough knowledge to decipher the process on their own if they wanted."

"The genie is out of the bottle then," the Queen remarked cryptically, "Very well. Harry James Potter by your own admission you are guilty of creating a destructive device, detonating a nuclear weapon on British soil, and causing an irreparable breach of national security. Due to the circumstances surrounding these events, you will not be put to death for treason nor sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief, at least the tough ones were out of the way.

"Instead you are given a life sentence of service and probation, pending your good behavior. You will study spell development and modification before you are to work with muggle scientists to control your process for use in nuclear power plants. Funds and equipment will be made available and assistants will be assigned to meet your needs," The Queen's face hardened and her eyes lost all emotion. "If however anyone not involved in this project learns of your methods, or you are ever found guilty of a violent crime you will be in violation of your probation and put to death immediately. You will be assigned a parole officer with whom you must check in regularly. You may not leave the country without permission. You may not hold public office, vote, or work in a school setting."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Harry bowed low again. He'd gotten off pretty easily all things considered.

"You may leave," The Queen told him. Addressing the Captain in charge of the men who'd retrieved him she said, "See to it that his possessions are returned and he is escorted back to Hogwarts unharmed. His parole officer will be assigned within the week from within our Regiment."


	5. Omerta

Disclaimer; not mine, no surprise...

0000000000000000000000000

"Hey you, boy!" A voice called out to Harry as he was weeding his aunt's garden. Looking up he saw a big bruiser of a man in a dark suit standing next to a black Bentley. The man waved to him and called again, "Come here, I want to talk with you."

Harry brushed the dirt from his knees and walked over to the car, "Can I help you?"

"You Harry Potter?" The man asked.

"Yeah, that's me," Harry said cautiously.

The man looked him over appraisingly, "Not what I'd expect from your reputation but then again that just means you probably got tricks I never thought of," he shrugged as if it didn't matter, "You do all the gardening here yourself?"

"Yes sir."

"Good, are you interested in a job?"

This was definitely not where Harry thought the conversation was going, "What kind of job?"

The big man gestured towards his relatives' home, "For the past three years running this house has won England's Best Kept Lawn at the end of every summer. We know that the others rarely do any manual labor themselves so that means there's only one other person who could be responsible."

"So you just want me to take care of your lawn?" Harry asked in shock. "Um, I'm flattered but I don't think I'll be allowed."

"Not my yard, my Boss's," The man made a noncommittal noise, "We've been asking around about you. You seem to have built up something of a reputation in this neighborhood. That have anything to do with why you wouldn't be allowed to have a job?"

"It's kinda hard to explain," Harry started.

"No need," the man said, "if you want to work for us, we'll pull some strings and I think you'll find the constabulary a bit more permissive. We'll put you to work and finally these folks will show you a bit of respect, eh? You interested?"

"So it's just gardening and a bit of lawn work?"

"And maybe running a few packages about," The man added, "you do well there and who knows where you might end up."

"Alright I'll do it. Where do I need to be and when?"

The man pulled an envelope from his breast pocket, "There's a rail pass and your first week's pay. You're to arrive at Basingstoke station every morning Monday through Saturday on the seven o'clock train. We'll arrange transportation from there."

00000

Working for Mr. Oglivy was far from difficult Harry soon learned. At first he assumed it would be back breaking work to justify the three hundred pounds he'd discovered in his envelope, but once he arrived he was assigned only four rose beds and a small garden path to oversee. Taking care of them only required a few hours each morning and then he spent most of the day waiting with several others in case some other task came up. Often he'd run a message or package into town for the Boss but some days he just had to stand around and ignore any visitors that might arrive.

That was the one thing that worried Harry about his new job. People were always coming and going from the estate, and not all of them of the proper and upright sort that Mr. Oglivy preferred people to believe. He'd asked once who these others were, but one of the other gardeners hushed him quickly. It was not his business to know who came or went, nor what was in any package that might arrive. Between the non-existent visitors and the hesitant respect he was soon accorded while running errands, it wasn't hard for Harry to realize that either his Boss was as crooked as Malfoy or twice as influential.

One morning as he was tending his roses, Harry heard simultaneous cracks behind him from apparating wizards and he instinctively dove for the closest thing he had to a weapon. As he spun about with the garden spade in his hands he saw four cloaked Death Eaters.

His spade came around as hard as he could swing it and he heard a wet popping sound as the Death Eater's head was wrenched sideways from the blow. He went down with like a puppet with it's strings cut. Harry plowed bodily into a second as he dodged their spells and brought the shovel down with a horrid clang that reverberated up the handle into his hands as the wizard's forehead met the flat of the spade.

Harry could hear the shouts as one of the others heard the fight and sounded an alarm but he couldn't afford to wait for help. He kept close in to his attackers so that he could attack them physically and throw off their casting. A flash of green whistled past his ear and the third Death Eater fell.

A laugh that haunted his dreams escaped the last Death Eater and Bellatrix started to taunt him in her baby voice, "Oopsy! Looks like he needed to pay more attention. Well, well, well, what do we have here? Poor little Potter all alone without even his wand."

Harry had to step fast to avoid the hail of unspoken curses that flowed from her wand as he tried to get closer. He heard the first half of another killing curse and rushed forward, swinging the shovel at her hand to knock it away or break her wand. She finished the curse just as the flat of the spade impacted the tip of her wand.

There was a horrendous explosion like a clap of thunder striking directly next to them and the wand exploded, punching a hole clear through the metal head of the shovel and pulping Bellatrix's right hand. All the men that had started to pour out of the house dropped to the ground or dove for cover at the noise. As she grabbed what was left of her hand, screaming in pain, Harry brought the shovel around one last time and knocked Bellatrix unconscious.

Suddenly the area was swamped with others and questions were fired so rapidly he could not respond to any of them when they blurred together.

"What is going on here?" Mr. Oglivy's voice silenced all others and the crowd parted to give Harry his employer's full attention.

"Four intruders, sir," One of the men supplied. "Three dead, one maimed and unconscious."

"Thank you William," Mr. Oglivy said, "Now who can tell me why?"

"They came to kill me, sir," Harry spoke up, drawing every eye to him. "I didn't want to be killed, pretty simple really."

He was answered with a raised eyebrow, "Again, I have to ask why someone would want to kill my gardener. Granted, my roses look fabulous but I've never heard of someone sending out four hitters over a flower competition."

"The usual reasons, power, wealth, and world domination," Harry shrugged helplessly. "The short story is that these four want me dead because I'm an annoying loose end. Fifteen years ago a man and his thugs came after my family. Some died, some went to prison but in the end the man murdered both my parents. But I got away you see. We've been fighting ever since. Last month she," Harry kicked Bellatrix, "killed my Godfather and the Head of the Family on the orders of the man who killed my parents. Aside from the satisfaction of seeing her master's long time rival dead, she stands to inherit all the Family assets and wealth if I die."

Harry could see a cold, calculating look in his employer's eyes. Then he nodded, "Your Godfather, the Head, which Family was he from?"

"He was Sirius Black, Head of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black."

Oglivy's eyes widened in shock and there were a few sounds of surprise from the crowd, "The same Sirius Black who escaped from prison two years ago, wanted for mass murder and other charges too numerous to name?"

"Yes, sir."

"Curiouser and curiouser, Potter, so you were his heir?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well," Oglivy turned to two of the other gardeners. "I need four holes somewhere to dispose of some trash. I don't care and I don't want to know, just make sure they'll be undetectable once they're covered."

"Four, sir?" One of them asked. "But she's not dead. Shouldn't we call the police?"

"Yet, she's not dead yet," Oglivy's eyes glinted, "They attacked him while he was in my home. Such an insult cannot go unanswered. Perhaps if they tried to kill him somewhere else I might be persuaded to mercy but to come into my home to do violence is an insult I cannot ignore. Any man who needs to call the police when he's attacked is either a weakling or a coward. A man who can't protect himself is both. It is cowardly to betray an offender, even when his offences are against yourself, more so to allow his actions to go un-repaid. If you survive, you kill them. If you die, forgive them." He snapped his fingers and gestured that Bellatrix should be taken up to the house. "Come Harry, you and I have much to discuss."

00000

"Sir?" One of the muscle boys knocked on the door a few hours later, "She refuses to talk. We've tried all the usual methods, even ripped out a few fingernails but she just laughs at us and promises that her Lord will kill us all."

"Impossible, no one is unbreakable," Oglivy said sternly. "You'll just have to find something else."

"Sir," Harry put in, "if I could have a few minutes with her I promise she'll be a bit more cooperative. I know how to make her scream, make her beg."

"Some of that," Oglivy wiggled his fingers dramatically, "you were telling me about?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good enough, let me know when she's ready to talk or when you give up." Oglivy looked back down at his new plans as Harry left the room. "Oh, and tell Stephen to bring the tailor around. Potter will need a proper suit befitting his new status."

Harry followed the bodyguard down the hall and soon found himself in a windowless room with bare brick walls. Bellatrix was tied to a chair in the center and she had clearly been worked over pretty hard, but looking into her eyes Harry couldn't bring himself to feel even the slightest bit of pity. Instead all the hatred and anger he'd ever felt seemed to well up within him. He went over to the body of the Death Eater who had died before even firing a shot and pulled the wand from his wrist holster then he turned to the guard. "Leave us, I think it's time to see how much of her last lesson I remember."

Then the screams began.

00000

A large van pulled up outside an abandoned home in Little Hangleton late that night. Four men sat inside watching the house while they continued their discussion.

"I'm telling you the kid creeps me out!" The driver insisted.

"Oh come on, he's a sixteen year old gardener," his passenger protested.

"Who kills three people without breaking a sweat," came from the rear.

"And let's not forget the screams," the last man added. "I've never heard anything scream that loud. It's like he was killing her one bit at a time, then she walks out without a scratch that wasn't there before he arrived."

"That's exactly my point," The driver told the one who hadn't seen, "She walks out with this glazed look in her eye, tell us this Tom Riddle chap sent her to kill the boy, and then..." He shuddered dramatically. "Potter told her to die and she just stopped breathing. That's not normal."

"Look," the passenger said hotly, "let's just torch the place and get out of here. There's obviously nobody here, there's not even another car for miles, and if anyone does show up... Well that's why we brought the Sterlings."


	6. There's Kinky and then there's Weird!

Disclaimer; I don't own the characters and I don't want to admit to owning the plot. Sadly we all know that no one else would think of this stuff so I have to take the blame.

WARNING; while there's nothing explicit in this chapter it isn't for the kids either.

* * *

"Hey Hermione," Harry prompted late one night while they were doing homework in the common room. 

"Yes Harry?"

Harry flushed a bit, "Is there anything wrong with me? You know... boyfriend wise?"

Hermione looked up suddenly, "Why are you asking me? I thought you were going out with Padma?"

"We broke up a few weeks ago," Harry's voice hinted that he was surprised she didn't already know.

"So those rumors about you and Susan Bones..."

"We broke up," Harry said entirely too quickly, his eyes desperately searching for somewhere safe to stare innocently.

Knowledge blossomed on Hermione's horrified face, "Oh my god, tell me the other rumors weren't true... Not that there's anything wrong with Slytherins... I mean..." She hastily backpedaled.

"Daphne... We broke up," He shook his head to clear it, "just answer my original question please. Do I have any horribly bad, really awful traits that if I don't fix you'll stop speaking to me eventually?"

"I don't think so," Hermione thought about it for a minute. "You do tend to run into danger instead of away from it, but short of getting yourself killed in some kind of foolish stunt I don't intend to stop being friends with you anytime soon."

"Marry me."

Hermione froze, then broke out laughing. "I think we just found your problem. Harry, while all girls want to feel loved, I don't think that..."

"No, I mean it. Marry me, please!" He cut her off. "You're obviously the only other sane person left on this planet. If I don't take you off the market now we'll both be stuck with crazy people. I don't want to fear for my virtue all the time."

"Ok, seriously, what the hell?"

"Have you ever heard of the three date rule? The one that says if you don't sleep with someone by the third date you never will?"

"Is that what you're worried about?" Hermione flushed a bit but continued anyway. "It's perfectly normal for people to experiment a bit in their younger years. Not that I would know firsthand but sex is supposed to be a very special thing."

"I'm sure it is, and that's great and all, but that's not really what I meant. I really think we may be the only sane people left. For example, let's just say there's a reason the Slytherins live in the Dungeons."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sure that in a healthy committed relationship a bit of role playing might be a bit fun or even kinky, but when on your first date she mentions that she's always wanted a gimp of her own, you know you might be crossing over into some really weird territory." Harry nodded as Hermione's face began to pale. "Call me strange but the sight of Draco Malfoy wearing nothing but a leather collar while he's being used as a footstool does not fit in my idea of a romantic evening by the fire."

"Bad mental image!" Hermione scrunched up her face trying to get rid of it. "Ok so a few Slytherins may have some odd ideas about sex. That doesn't mean the world is full of crazy people. Now what was wrong with Susan? Surely a Hufflepuff can't be that bad."

"Hufflepuffs take the ideals of teamwork, friendship, and sharing entirely too far," Harry said bluntly. "I'm a guy so I'll admit that not all my dreams feature only one girl, but there are limits. Snogging Susan on the couch was nice, and it was definitely interesting when Hannah stole her for some fun of her own, but things got out of hand when Justin, Ernie, and Meghan Jones decided to join the party. They're rolling around five or six deep in that badger's den! Susan actually called me a jealous prude."

"And Padma?" Hermione was beginning to think she really didn't want to know.

"She's a Ravenclaw," Harry said with a shudder that was all too real.

"Honestly," Hermione huffed, "just because she likes to learn doesn't make her crazy."

"No, it's not that. I like smart girls. Think about it, all of my girlfriends have been better than me academically and now I'm trying to convince you to marry me. I'm just saying that locking a bunch of hormonal teenagers with genius level IQs in a tower for several centuries might not have been the best idea. They've discovered things in that tower man was not meant to know." Harry looked a bit sick.

"Like what?" She asked cautiously.

Harry shuddered again, "Do you know what a urethral sound is?"

"No."

"I envy your ignorance," Harry told her. "And I'm sure you know about the Gryffindor girls. You and I are the only sane people left Hermione. Please don't let the perverts get me."

"What's wrong with Gryffindor Girls?" Hermione asked with a hint of warning. She wasn't sure if she should be offended by that yet.

"Where do Gryffindors go for dates? Think Hermione..." Harry was waiting patiently for the spark of understanding to appear.

"The usual places, you know, the Astronomy tower, abandoned classrooms, broom closets... And Lavender was bragging just last night that Seamus was planning a picnic on the other side of the lake this weekend." She answered off the top of her head.

"So you never noticed that all the 'usual places' are very public, where someone could come along at any minute?" Harry gave her a pointed look. "Not to mention that half the house knows where Seamus and Lavender will be and what they'll be doing days in advance."

"Oh my god..." There it was, the look that spoke of too much information, "I've been living with a bunch of exhibitionists and voyeurs and I never knew it! You're right we're the only normal people left."

"So you'll marry me?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Shut up and hold me until the bad thoughts go away," Hermione leaned into him and they both knew they'd made the right choice.

* * *

A/N; If you don't understand why Harry is scared of Padma... Well google exists for a reason but I really recommend that you just stay ignorant. 


	7. Hakuna Matata

Apologies to Elton John and the Disney Corporation on top of the usual JKR disclaimer.

* * *

"Harry, I've found the secret to solving all your problems!" Luna smiled dreamily at Harry as he enjoyed a day outside.

"Really?" Harry perked up a bit. "What is it?"

"Avada Kedavra," she sang happily as a green beam flew from her wand and slew a young Hufflepuff first year.

"Avada Kedavra!" Harry tried experimentally. He smiled as Draco Malfoy ceased to be a problem. "What a wonderful phrase!"

"Avada Kedavra!" Luna shot down Professor Snape, "Ain't no passing craze!"

Harry was getting into it and decided to sing along as he skipped arm in arm with her towards Hogsmeade, "It means no worries for the rest of your days."

"It's our problem-free philosophy," The sang together, gunning down Slytherins and random townsfolk.

"Avada Kedavra!" Luna cheered with a bit too much glee and not even caring who her spells hit anymore.

"Avada Kedavra?" A young boy asked curiously.

"Yeah. It's our motto!" Luna told him.

"What's a motto?"

Harry couldn't resist being a smart ass, "Nothing. What's a-motto with you?"

"Those two words will solve all your problems," Luna promised.

"That's right. Take Luna here," Harry gathered breath to continue his singing, "Why, when he was a young Ravenclaw..."

"When I was a young Ravenclaw," Luna's high note on the end shattered a window.

"Very nice," Harry complimented.

"Thanks!"

"She found her demeanor lacked a certain appeal," He switched to an upbeat tempo, "She could clear the Common Room with just a squeal."

"I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned," She confided in the boy mournfully, "And it hurt that my friends always seemed chagrined."

"And oh, the shame," She wilted dramatically.

"She was ashamed," Harry added with zeal.

"Thought of changin' my name..."

"Oh but, what's in a name?"

"And I got downhearted..."

"Tell us how did ya feel?"

Luna looked shocked at the question but stopped singing to answer him, "Well I often fondled my breasts before I..."

"Hey! Luna! Not in front of the kids!" Harry clamped a hand over her mouth when he saw the boys eyes widen.

"Oh. Sorry," She looked sheepish and aimed her wand at the boy who knew too much and resumed singing, "Avada Kedavra! What a wonderful phrase!"

"Avada Kedavra!" Harry was surprised when Voldemort caught one right between the eyes as he portkeyed in with a group of Death Eaters. "Ain't no passing craze!"

"It means no worries for the rest of our days!" The surviving townsfolk sang cheerfully.

"It's our problem-free philosophy," Harry and Luna looked at the Death Eaters with glee and began chanting, "Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada..."

"It means no worries for the rest of our days!"

"It's our problem-free philosophy," Luna spun around happily, lost in the moment and never saw her wand point towards Harry as she geared up for the big finale, "Avada Kedavra!"

* * *

Read it again while humming "Hakuna Matata". 


	8. Omerta II

A little more for Omerta

* * *

"Well look what we have here," a Slytherin fifth year drawled, "Three little Puffs all alone."

Three more Slytherins materialized from the shadows with predatory grins. The Hufflepuff second years bunched up in fear until another voice came from the behind them.

"Look what we have here, a bunch of Slytherins all alone... Accio wands." The Slytherins' wands flew from their hands and disappeared into thin air. An invisibility cloak dropped and Harry Potter smirked as he put his own wand away. "Palus!"

A wooden stake formed and flew towards the leader, piercing his leg with a squish. Switching wands Harry cast a variety of other curses at the others and then tossed the wands to one of the Hufflepuffs after removing his fingerprints. "So careless, you really shouldn't be practicing your dueling without someone there to help you if anything goes wrong." He stunned them and looked to the shocked Hufflepuffs. "Do you all remember the levitation charm? We better get these poor boys to the hospital wing quickly. I just hope you have enough control to keep them from falling or running into doors and the like."

Harry had to suppress a smirk at the evil looks that suddenly blossomed on the younger students' faces, the predators had turned to prey. Undoubtedly there would be numerous mistakes and accidents before they delivered their tormentors to Madam Pomphrey.

"Harry?" Rose, one of the Hufflepuffs, started. "Thank you for protecting us, but why?"

"Do you know what your father does for a living?" Harry asked innocently and was rewarded when her expression immediately froze and looked slightly guilty. "I see you at least know some of it. He and I work for the same person and that person is very excited about your future and potential. I am Manus Sinister."

"The Black Hand... So the Families are moving into the Wizarding World?" Rose twitched slightly and the Slytherin with the stake through his leg was slammed bodily into the wall. "Whoops!"

"Not exactly, the Families know they can't operate here but they also know that we can. Oglivy wants to set up a new branch, independent but allied with the original. You and I are in prime position to move up in the world."

00000

The next morning at breakfast, Harry was mildly surprised to see the beaters from the Hufflepuff Quidditch team heading over to him, escorting their seventh year prefect who he vaguely remembered was called Summers.

Summers motioned the other two to settle down while he spoke, "Potter, we need to talk."

"That so?" Harry looked to the beaters, "Will this be a friendly talk or should I try to find a few friends of my own?"

"That's entirely up to you. I'd like a friendly chat but recent rumors have me a bit nervous."

"That just makes me wonder who's been talking," Harry stood up and waved for them to walk with him as he headed outdoors and away from listening ears. "I'll give you my word that you don't need the muscle. So tell me what has you worked up tonight."

"Suddenly it seems that most of the youngest Hufflepuff students are either scared of you or ready to start a new religion with you as their god. Strangest thing though, none of them are very forthcoming with why. Given that four upper year Slytherins are currently enjoying Pomphrey's hospitality, I don't think I have to look too hard for the reason why." Summers steered them away from the lake and out towards the forest.

Harry grunted to himself and considered how to phrase things. "The Slytherins bit off more than they could chew. There exists in some circles a brotherhood of sorts. We protect each other, work with each other, and share our strengths to become together more than we were separately. Rose Tyler's father is a member as am I. When those boys decided to attack her, they attacked all of us and we had to make an example. Action demands reaction."

"How oddly Hufflepuff of you," his eyes narrowed, "why do I get the feeling you're not just involved for altruistic reasons."

"I don't think any of us are involved just to help others. We're all in it because we have something to gain. Some like Mr. Tyler want protection for themselves and their family, others want power." Harry laughed, "There might come a time I need some help from somebody who won't be noticed. Who could be lower profile than a milkman, or a bartender, or a waiter in some pleasant little restaurant? It is based on Hufflepuff ideals but there's also a power game right beneath the surface that any Slytherin would drool over."

"If that's true I can see why some of young students would want to help you however they can, but why are the rest of them scared of you?"

"Because the injuries I inflicted on those boys would only have kept them for a few hours at most." Harry smirked, "The rest; broken bones, concussions, and massive bruising, happened while they were defenseless and I did nothing to stop it. People with power inevitably become either Authority or else they become bullies. Your Puffs are worried because they don't know which I am. I despise bullies but I also preach vengeance and retribution."


	9. Who are you calling an animal?

Minerva McGonagall looked over her three favorite students. Over the past few months they had studied harder than most students ever did, determined to learn the animagus transformation before the Christmas in their sixth year. It had started because Harry Potter wanted to feel more connected with his father and godfather. He wanted some way to remember them and quietly asked for her help in a letter a few days into the summer. Albus Dumbledore had casually suggested something similar for later anyway, since having a ready means of escape or a hidden weapon would undoubtedly be a useful skill for him to have. They hadn't planned to ask if he were interested until the end of his sixth year, but he beat them to it.

Once Harry's friends found out about his extra lessons, they begged him to teach them too. His capacity as a teacher must truly be remarkable, or else their determination and devotion unmatched, for they were soon caught up and joined him in her lessons directly. They had progressed to the final step in months instead of years, truly a feat.

"In a few minutes you will take the last potion in the process. It is designed to open up your subconscious and bring forward the primal part of your mind that is connected to your inner animal. You will tap into the genetic memory of the animal for instincts like how to fly or balance in your new forms." She began. "Over the course of the next week, you will gradually notice more and more of the animal traits coming to the fore. Your bodies will slowly adjust themselves to accommodate all the animal traits until at some point, probably next weekend, your bodies will suddenly and completely change into that of your animal self. If your animal has fur, you will notice that you will need to shave much more often this week, and if you are say an amphibian your hair will likely fall out as your skin becomes moist and smooth. Don't be alarmed, once your transformation is complete you will be able to change back and forth at will and your hair should return to normal. Are there any last questions?"

Hermione Granger raised her hand even though everyone was already looking at her before the question was asked, "Professor, if we take the potion and it turns out we don't have an animal form?"

"Then nothing will happen." McGonagall said simply. "You'll fall to sleep and have odd dreams but nothing serious."

"What if I'm a snake? What changes can I expect to experience before the final change?" Harry asked. Ever since he started being more open to his subconscious tendencies, he had felt more sneaky. He found himself disappointed at mealtimes, food just appearing ready to eat seemed to have lost something. He wanted to snap into action, seize his food while it was still struggling and slowly choke it to death before eating it. It scared him the first few times he felt that disappointment at the dinner table, but lately he was almost certain he was a snake beneath his human skin. After all, the Hat wanted to put him in Slytherin, and he was a parselmouth, it just made sense.

McGonagall considered it for a few seconds, "You'll probably notice your skin hardening into scales or possibly your tongue splitting, but if that is the case you will probably undergo a forced change before the others because of the loss of your limbs."

Harry nodded, deep in thought. McGonagall looked to the others, "Well, anything else? No? Well then go ahead and take your potions. Madam Pomphrey and I will be here for you in case you have a bad reaction. No matter the outcome, I'm proud of you all for getting to this point."

00000

The images began at the fringes of his mind. Companionship, friendship, brotherhood, camaraderie, and unity. Peace, hope, compassion, and sympathy. Touches and caresses, hugs and kisses, cuddles and mad passionate love making. Protection, family, giver, provider. Son, Father, Mother, Daughter, Brother, Sister, Children, and Parents. Large cities, tiny hamlets, living alone in caves. Computers, autos, brooms, carts, planes, and trains. Adam and Eve, Mary and Joseph, Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and Ophelia, Merlin and Nimue, James and Lily Potter... Passion, pleasure, ECSTASY!

There was confusion and understanding. Alertness, acceptance, ambivalence, anticipation, anxiety, apathy, bitterness, boredom, calmness, contempt, depression, disappointment, disgust, doubt, embarrassment, emptiness, enthusiasm, envy, frustration, gratitude, grief, guilt, humiliation, jealousy, loneliness, panic, pity, pride, regret, rejection, remorse, self pity, shame, suffering, struggle, success, Victory, and defeat...

A thousand images shot through him all at once. Clubs and fire, burnt hair and flesh, beating and thrashing and screaming. Fight instinct, predator, hunter, killer. Swords and knives, wands and staves, guns and bullets, blood pouring and guts spilling. Guttural roars, pounding fists, blood lust... thirst, vengeance, murder. Tanks, napalm, poison gas, nuclear bombs, curses, jinxes, hexes, enchantments, spells, potions, and mists. Mengle, Manson, Daumer, Jack the Ripper, Voldemort, Grindelwald, and Fenrir Greyback. Concentration camps, POWs, torture practices. Rapid-fire weapons, chemical warfare, bombs, grenades, spears and arrows. Scalping, raping, caning, quartering, hanging, tearing of flesh... bare hands. Roman Conquest, The War of Roses, The Hundred Year War, World War I and II, The Falkland Islands, Goblin Rebellions, Centaur Uprisings, Merfolk Revolutions, Genocide of the Elves, and countless Dark Wizards or Mad Men. Countless millennia of constant war, torture, violence, and murder... Isanity, Lust, Anger, Wrath, HATE...

The whole of human experience, from the day they learned to stand upright flashed before his eyes and danced across his nerves. He experienced everything from every perspective. He was stabbed, shot, hung, drawn, quartered, choked, beaten, and raped. He fell sick with ever disease, suffered, recovered, and relapsed. He lived and he died. That was something else entirely, Death... The primal, blood-stirring scream of a savage human ancestor migrating to the throat of a man not unlike himself... The primal man within him rebelled against death, refused to give in. It howled at the moon, crying out the injustice done to his brothers, refusing to submit... And the scream became his...

00000

Harry Potter could not stop screaming. He finally understood. He understood it all, and he knew it wasn't worth knowing. His throat grew hoarse from screaming and he felt hands on him, holding him down. When he tried to gasp for breath he felt something cold run down his throat. Gradually his heartbeat slowed, and the red dimmed from his sight.

"No, no, no…" He cried, tears running down his face as he struggled against whoever was holding him down. "No, I can't, I won't... NO!"

"Harry, you need to calm down." Hermione told him as she leaned over him. "The professor and Madam Pomphrey can't help you if you thrash around like this."

Harry forced himself to pretend he was calm. He struggled to hold back his emotions as he looked to his Head of House. "Give me the antidote."

"What?" She said dumbly.

"Give me the antidote. I've changed my mind. I don't want to be an animagus. I don't want this anymore. You've got to give me the antidote!" Desperation edged back into his voice.

Pity flashed across McGonagall's face and Harry hated her for it. Now that he understood, she was an open book. "Harry, there isn't an antidote. Whatever you saw, whatever you are becoming, it's alright. Everything is going to be alright."

Ron tried his hand, "Harry, I don't know why your vision lasted longer than ours, but whatever animal you become, we are still your friends. We accept you. We're not going to just give up on you."

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" Harry snapped at him. He fought to bury everything and looked to Madam Pomphrey. "There's no antidote? There's not some way to permanently block the transformation?"

"No."

"So everything I saw, everything that happened in my vision, I'm going to become?"

"Maybe not specific events if you saw any, but yes in essence that is what will happen. If it is normal for the animal to do something, you likely will while in that form. Don't worry, some things may seem distasteful now but once the instincts set in they will be perfectly normal." She added the last with reassurance.

Somehow, though Harry had constantly wished all his life to be just a normal person, reality was so much worse. Once this sank in, he visibly deflated and took on a defeated air. "I guess there's only one thing to do then. Would the rest of you give me a bit of privacy?"

McGonagall nodded and made shooing motions to the others. Harry grabbed a chair from on of the desks and walked towards the window. Once he heard the door click closed behind him, Harry opened the window and got up on the chair. He had just put his foot up on the windowsill when McGonagall stuck her head in to give him some private words of encouragement. He didn't even turn to look, just stared down at the ground so far below. He was jerked backwards away from the windowsill when McGonagall yelled, "Accio!"

A body bind and a stunner soon followed and Harry's world faded to black.

00000

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Why feel bad for choosing a shorter one? Harry came back to the world in a jerk. He was strapped down in a bed, probably in the Hospital wing. He tried to stare a hole in the ceiling as he quietly tested the strength of his bindings. Damn, it looks like they had him secured for now.

"Struggling won't help." Dumbledore said sadly. Harry tried moving his head but he still couldn't find the headmaster. "Why Harry? Surely you must realize that you are not alone in this. We can help you if you just let us know what's bothering you."

"Have you ever heard the story of Pandora's Box, Professor?" Harry asked.

"A young girl is given a box by the gods but told never to open it. When she does all of the miseries of mankind fly out into the world." Dumbledore gave the short version as he came to stand next to the bed. "Oddly enough after everything else had gone, she found hope down in the bottom of that box. Cynics insist this was because hope is the cruelest trick of all, optimists say that the gods felt guilty."

"That's how I feel right now," Harry told him. "If I hadn't taken the final step I would always wonder if I could be an animagus, but now that I have I just wish I could put the lid back on the box and forget I ever looked. Professor McGonagall tells me that in a week's time everything will be normal again, but I worry about what that means. Even if I never change again, I'll have to live with the knowledge of what is within me, knowing what I could become. I have to live with those instincts, and fight them off just to remain myself."

"It's never easy to confront the darkness inside of us Harry, but you need to remember that all that really matters are your choices. If we undo the straps, are there going to be any problems?"

"No sir. Neither one of us wants to die right now."

Dumbledore tapped the straps with his wand and they loosened slightly. "I can't take them off entirely, but depending on how you feel in the morning we might let you go. I suspect that you'll inherit a few of those instincts over the night and be more at peace in the morning."

00000

By morning Harry was feeling desperate. Man wasn't meant to be caged, and Harry would say anything to get rid of the straps. In no time at all he was out of the Hospital wing and roaming the halls. Already he could feel himself changing just a bit more into that primal savage male archetype he experienced in his vision. He could feel a bit more muscle hiding beneath his skin and he already had more of a beard than he normally would after a week of not shaving. He had something resembling a plan in his head and he needed to get to his dorm. Unfortunately his friends were waiting in the Common Room for him to show up so things were going to be delayed.

"Harry!" Hermione ran up to him and hugged him tight. She was bursting with energy and practically bouncing up and down as she hugged him. He returned the hug with relish, such a soft and pliable body, so bouncy… Whoops, Harry decided he better rein that back in a bit. "What happened to you? The Professors wouldn't tell us and refused to let us into the hospital wing. They just said you had a bad reaction and needed to be watched carefully for a while."

"I just had a hard time coming to grips with what is normal behavior, that's all. They just wanted to make sure I was safe while I started to unite with the inner beast."

"So what kind of animal are you Harry?" Ron asked eagerly. "Hermione refused say until you were here, but I'm a border collie."

"Oh honestly Ron, I just wanted to be together when we talked about it. It's supposed to be a major achievement and celebrating without Harry just wouldn't be right." Hermione tried to be stern but a smile broke free anyway. "You two promise not to laugh when I tell you what I am?"

Harry and Ron nodded their agreement.

"I shouldn't be surprised I guess, it makes a weird kind of sense. I've always been very curious, and I may not really show it but I have just as much fun when we break the rules as you two…" Hermione began.

"You're stalling, just tell us." Harry said with a longsuffering sigh.

"I am a ferret."

Ron tried to stop himself, really he did but within a few seconds he was laughing uncontrollably. Harry just reached out and whacked him on the back of his head hard enough to get the point across. "I guess we will need to find a new taunt for Malfoy then."

Ron rubbed the back of his head, "You still haven't told us what you are Harry. Come on, out with it, what are you?"

"Remember how we were hoping it would be something powerful so that it could help against Voldemort? I've discovered that all in all, Voldemort isn't so bad." Harry shrugged noncommittally.

"Well if he's 'not so bad' compared to your animagus form, he better watch out the next time he thinks of doing something stupid." Ron punched his shoulder playfully, and Harry had to hold himself back because he instantly wanted to return the punch, much harder.

"How can you think that? Of course Voldemort is horrible." Hermione interjected.

"Oh I'm still going to kill him, slowly if I get the chance, but he's not the worst thing to ever happen. How many wizards are there in Britain? Ten Thousand? How many did Voldemort personally kill in the last war? I don't know but I bet it was less than two or three hundred. That's not enough to put him in the top hundred madmen worldwide. Not even if we stick to those currently living…"

"What kind of animal form gives you that perspective?" She asked.

"The most dangerous one of all," Harry gave her a mysterious smile.

* * *

In 1980 Diamondhead recorded a song that asks a good question, Am I Evil? I reached the same conclusion they did "Am I evil? I am Man, yes I am!" So if an animagus becomes the animal that best reflects them, what happens to an "everyman" character like Harry? Does he literally become a characture of the entire human race? And if he did would we like what we saw? 


	10. Omerta III

Disclaimer; As usual I don't own Harry Potter or it's associated characters, but here's another thousand words or so of Omerta.

00000

Finding a second invisibility cloak had not been easy, but it had definitely been worth it, Harry reflected as he and his "apprentice" stalked through the dungeons. Dexter was a vicious little sociopath, but he still needed a bit of training on the finer points of sneaking around. The young Ravenclaw halfblood had only been at the school for a few months but was already on the brink of expulsion for his tendency to start fights over every perceived slight. Their mission in the dungeons tonight was to send one last warning to certain elements in Slytherin house.

The week before one of the students under his protection was threatened that she should "respect her betters" now that the Ministry had finally acknowledged Voldemort's return. It was a pretty weak threat, after all it was unlikely the Dark Lord would care about schoolyard slights, but Harry wasn't about to let such obvious attempts at inspiring terror go unanswered.

His little "study group" had started with people looking to him for protection, but it didn't take much to prod them into other areas as well. They were up to twenty students above fourth year and alumni now and it wouldn't be long before those twenty owned Hogwarts from the student side. Hufflepuff loyalty and Ravenclaw strategy were truly scary when combined. Sure it may not be important in the grand scheme of things but it would definitely help to have a system in place to recruit young wizards with interesting skills and it would give them practice for the kinds of machinations that would help them in the real world. His little jaunts with Dexter were just one such training mission.

Harry stuck one hand out from under his cloak and waved for Dexter to hurry as he could hear his footsteps lagging behind. It wouldn't do to be late and miss their chance to get into the Slytherin common room. One of their two Slytherin members would be leaving the common room precisely at half past eleven and if they missed their entrance they would have to reschedule the retribution.

They arrived right on time and Harry gave their Slytherin member a touch on the wrist to know they were past. The two invisible students split up and prepared for their attack. Three Raveclaws had worked for most of the last week to prepare the warning they were here to deliver. As he circled around behind Nott, Harry pulled one of the enchanted dagger hilts they made and activated it. Instead of a blade, these weapons only had a sticking charm and a stunning spell applied to the crosspiece.

At the stroke of midnight, Harry swept forward with one hand over Nott's mouth and planted the surrogate knife right between his shoulder blades. His eyes flashed red before he lost consciousness and fell to the floor. Already moving, Harry slammed the next bladeless dagger into Zabini's gut. Across the room Harry could hear a shrill war cry from Dexter as Malfoy suddenly sprouted a knife from the middle of his forehead and was knocked violently onto his ass. Harry made a note to explain subtlety to the boy later.

Needless to say, the rest of the house went apeshit. When one of the prefects ran screaming from the common room to get the professors, Harry and Dexter slipped out the open door. Aside from the three boys who had been "killed", there were only three other clues to who was responsible. In the sixth year boy's dorm, a gift was found on each of their beds.

Inside each was the blade to the dagger that had stunned them and a simple warning. "Respect your betters."

00000

Despite the fact that Harry was skimming a healthy percentage of his group's ill gotten gains off the top every week, he wasn't actually making all that much from running his little club. With his knowledge of the castle's hidden passages and secrets he was able to vastly increase the flow of certain contraband within the castle. While porn, booze, and other necessities of teenage life were always in demand, his real money was ironically enough coming from potions. It was an unwritten law that students couldn't buy certain potions or the key ingredients, most notably memory and intelligence enhancing potions for students in their OWL or NEWT years. By starting to supply the needs of the masses early he avoided the wrath of the professors that would surely appear as examines grew closer.

With their alumni contingent (strangely not including the Weasley Twins) helping it was fairly easy to line up a steady supply and his people were making a killing. Harry however was everybody's friend, and his cut went right back into their pockets in the form of gifts, services and other loyalty building exercises. He even splurged a bit from the Black family funds to get one of his potion supplying alumni the services of a veela hooker.

Once they were secure in their position as the top distribution network in Hogwarts, they moved on to running numbers and on the insistence of their Slytherin contingent information brokering. The latter was immediately seized by the Ravenclaws as an excellent alternative to giving away their tricks along with a dose of preaching and humble pie as they had in the past. Soon it was common knowledge that if you had a problem, you could ask one of the brokers and for a price, not always in cash, they'd solve it.

By the time winter holidays came around, they had recruited a few more recent graduates and started to compile long term plans. All it took was for Harry to muse aloud about what it would take to establish a real presence in Diagon or Hogsmeade and the whispers began. The ideas he saw spawned in the next hour were nothing short of astounding. The Brotherhood of the Eyrie was born.


End file.
